omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
