Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
