i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
