I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
