I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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