Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my shit smells like andre
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
