It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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