What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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