she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
if only i could text you this smell
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
