I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
