I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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