Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
