You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
A bitchslap is in order.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize