Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
