His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
