do herpes really smell.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
