my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
