hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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