P.S. I can't hear my feet
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
