my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
