Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
