Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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