my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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