I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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