explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
