you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
