If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
