This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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