I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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