all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Still dying that you shit outside
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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