3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
