i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Randomize
