I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
