you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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