My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
