That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
