I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
