Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Randomize
