my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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