I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
