So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
