So drunk, too bad you don't want this
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
