he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
