You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
