Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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