Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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