Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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