I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
