Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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