Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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