I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
