I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
