So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
