just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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