I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
