Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
