I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
