he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
