I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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