I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
