You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
