I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
