You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
