Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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