my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We talked him into tasing himself.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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