You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
No subtext here. People are naked.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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