My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
